Can you really call it a movie “Speed” when it only goes 17 knots? Can you call a movie “Speed” when it doesn’t have Keanu Reaves? Can you even call this thing a movie? Impossible physics, premarital bickering, misplaced comedy, pedophilia, and a fundamental misunderstanding of copper poisoning make this one of the worst films Shat The Movies has reviewed. But is it THE WORST? Listen and find out.

Plot Summary: “Speed 2 Cruise Control” Annie (Sandra Bullock) is looking forward to a Caribbean cruise with her cop boyfriend, Alex (Jason Patric), who purchased the tickets to make up for lying about working on the SWAT team. Their trip turns dangerous, however, when an explosion disables the ship’s communication system and it becomes clear that the vessel is under someone else’s control. Alex and Annie must fight for survival as they discover that John Geiger (Willem Dafoe), a crazed passenger, is behind the chaos.

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