Tag Archives: Adventure

Goldeneye (1995)

Goldeneye Quote: “You know, this sort of behavior could qualify as sexual harassment.” – Miss Moneypenny

“Goldeneye” gave us a new James Bond in Pierce Brosnan and type of villain with Alan Cumming’s Boris The Hacker. But the 1995 blockbuster missed a Golden opportunity to reinvent a franchise that was long overdue for some growing up.

Sure, there were highlights: a sadistically sexy Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp, another Sean Bean death and a cameo by Minnie Driver. However, the improbable stunts, goofy gadgets, sexism, misogyny were too much for this movie to overcome.

At least there was the video game. Man, that was a fun game. Continue reading Goldeneye (1995)

Willow (1988)

Willow Quote: “Ooh, I’m really scared. No! Don’t! There’s a- a peck here with an acorn pointed at me!” – Madmartigan

“Willow” might be the saddest movie of all time, because what’s sadder than wasted potential? How do you combine George Lucas, Ron Howard, Val Kilmer, a fantasy universe and a massive budget to create absolute crap?

Start with casting actors strictly based on their height. Next, add recycled plot lines from “Star Wars.” And finally, sprinkle the top with talking animals, absurd accents, nonsensical action scenes and the cheesiest villains in movie history.

This is all Gene’s fault.

The Wilhelm Scream Explained: https://youtu.be/SzITADosISk

Continue reading Willow (1988)

Twister (1996)

Twister Quote: “The Suck Zone. It’s the point basically when the twister… sucks you up. That’s not the technical term for it, obviously.” – Dustin Davis

“Twister” gave us all a horrifying glimpse into a world where the United States doesn’t have any politically correct superpower enemies. Left with no face for our fears, director Jan De Bont made weather itself the enemy, and not even a star-studded cast including Bill Paxton, Helen Hunt, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Cary Elwes could save the resulting shatstorm.

If you were thrilled by this movie years ago or have warm feelings for the late Bill Paxton, let us teach you to hate everything about this movie … with good cause. Continue reading Twister (1996)

Highlander (1986)

Highlander Quote: “I don’t like boats and I don’t like water. I’m a man, not a fish!” – Connor MacLeod

Is “Highlander” the worst ’80s movie? Perhaps. Is it the worst movie Shat The Movies has reviewed? Definitely.

Christopher Lambert can’t act. Sean Connery isn’t Egyptian or Spanish. We still don’t understand why “there can be only one.” The movie starts on a high note with Freddie Mercury belting out Queen’s “Princes of The Universe,” and two very long hours later ends up in the toilet. Continue reading Highlander (1986)