The Fifth Element (1997)

The Fifth Element Quote: “Now a real killer, when he picked up the ZF-1, would’ve immediately asked about the little red button on the bottom of the gun.” – Zorg

The Fifth Element combined the action starpower of Bruce Willis, the sexuality of Milla Jovovich, the comedic genius of Chris Tucker, the incomparable talent of Gary Oldman and the fashion vision of Jean-Paul Gaultier. And it pretty much sucked.

Shocked? So were we. In 1997, we worshipped this movie. In 2017, we were horrified to note the glacial pacing, meandering storyline and awkward fight choreography.

Kevin Brackett, of Reel Spoilers and Review St. Louis, guest hosts and confirms our startling realization: The Fifth Element does not hold up. Continue reading The Fifth Element (1997)

Major League (1989)

Major League Quote: “Jobu… I go to you. I stick up for you. And you no help me now… I say fuck you Jobu. I do it myself.” – Pedro Cerrano

Major League takes us back to a time when baseball was hot, actresses were sex objects, and Charlie Sheen was likable. And despite some racist overtones and plot holes, this 1989 comedy still holds up.

Bob Uecker is still the best play-by-play on film. James Gammon is still the most believable baseball manager in Hollywood. And a shockingly young Wesley Snipes still dazzles in every scene.

Rog loved it. Gene Shat on it, and Dick knows far too much about baseball. Check it out! Continue reading Major League (1989)

Twister (1996)

Twister Quote: “The Suck Zone. It’s the point basically when the twister… sucks you up. That’s not the technical term for it, obviously.” – Dustin Davis

“Twister” gave us all a horrifying glimpse into a world where the United States doesn’t have any politically correct superpower enemies. Left with no face for our fears, director Jan De Bont made weather itself the enemy, and not even a star-studded cast including Bill Paxton, Helen Hunt, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Cary Elwes could save the resulting shatstorm.

If you were thrilled by this movie years ago or have warm feelings for the late Bill Paxton, let us teach you to hate everything about this movie … with good cause. Continue reading Twister (1996)

Raising Arizona (1987)

Raising Arizona Quote: “He explained to us that Edwina’s insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase” – H.I.

“Raising Arizona” introduced the world the Coen brothers, Holly Hunter and Tempe, AZ. It also empowered John Goodman to truly display his abilities. But most of all, it showed us how funny Nicholas Cage could be.

Infinitely quotable and impressively shot by Barry Connenfeld, “Raising Arizona” is a 1987 time capsule that hasn’t aged a bit. It’s every bit as funny now as it was when we were kids.

Gene wrote this and isn’t at all biased by his 25 years as an Arizona resident. Continue reading Raising Arizona (1987)