Author: Dick Ebert

Real Genius (1985) Movie Poster

Real Genius (1985)

Real Genius Quote: “It is God!” – Kent A deliciously young Val Kilmer, an even more delicious young Sarah Jessica Parker (played by Gabriel Jarret), a billion lasers, boring montages, horny cosmetologists, unreal liquid nitrogen, unbelievable penis hammering, Jesus in the teeth, Tear for Fears, and the most famous popcorn...

Jurassic-Park-(1993)-Movie-Poster

Jurassic Park (1993)

Jurassic Park Quote: “Mr. Hammond, after careful consideration I’ve decided not to endorse your park.” – Dr. Alan Grant The most iconic scenes in movie history, sexy Jeff Goldblum, goosebumps aplenty, a triceratops turd too high, hyperconfident scientists, unnecessary fence climbs and adorable velociraptors made 1993’s “Jurassic Park” a movie...

Braveheart (1995)

Braveheart Quote: “Every man dies, not every man really lives.” – William Wallace Premature kilts, revised history, foppish Brits, Crossfit Scots, a 40-year-old Mel Gibson, a hot 9-year-old princess, undying love, and a romance nobody wanted to see. “Braveheart” brought a new degree of violence and complexity to the historical...

Timecop-(1994)-Movie-Poster

Timecop (1994)

Timecop Quote: “You’re a fucking idiot who never figured out that the only way to make anything of himself with all that fancy kicking was on Broadway.” – Senator Aaron McComb Laughable wardrobes, finding excuses for Jean Claude Van Damme to kick things, gratuitous Belgian sex, gratuitous Belgian sax, an...

Conan the Barbarian (1982) Movie Poster

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Conan the Barbarian Quote: “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!” – Conan Soundtrack of the gods, camel-punching, surprise romance, imperfect allies, meaty snakes, cannibalistic orgies, and a unanimous Shat Score. Conan The Barbarian often is lumped in the...

Casino 1995 Movie Poster

Casino (1995)

Casino Quote: “All right, I’m gonna give you a choice. You can either have the money and the hammer or you can walk out of here. You can’t have both. What do you want?” – Ace Rothstein A sparkling Sharon Stone, labyrinth storylines, crappy explosions, loud suits, popping eyeballs, James...

Flatliners 1990 Movie Poster

Flatliners (1990)

Flatliners Quote: “You bring the equipment, I’ll bring my balls.” – Nelson Wright “Med students explore to see what might lie beyond death” might be the advertisement, but what we got was the old bait-and-switch. Instead of that exploration, Flatliners gives us pseudo-Freudian analysis delivered by 1990’s Brat Pack 2.0…...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie Poster (1990)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Quote: “Cricket? Nobody understands cricket! You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!” – Raphael Did you know 1990’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was the highest grossing independent film of all time? It was. Did you know creature master Jim Henson lent his magic...