Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Conan the Barbarian 1982 Movie Poster

Conan the Barbarian Quote: “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!” – Conan

Soundtrack of the gods, camel-punching, surprise romance, imperfect allies, meaty snakes, cannibalistic orgies, and a unanimous Shat Score.

Conan The Barbarian often is lumped in the same shitpile as other fantasy movies, including its sequel, but this abused gem gets nearly everything right. Hear all the reasons to love this not-quite-blockbuster underdog, including its strange literary origins and historical references, and learn just how dangerous this movie was to make.

Big D impersonates Arnold Schwarzenegger during climax. Kerri Gross endorses Conan from a feminist’s perspective, and Gene struggles to keep it together.

Plot Summary: “Conan the Barbarian” Orphaned boy Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is enslaved after his village is destroyed by the forces of vicious necromancer Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones), and is compelled to push “The Wheel of Pain” for many years. Once he reaches adulthood, Conan sets off across the prehistoric landscape of the Hyborian Age in search of the man who killed his family and stole his father’s sword. With beautiful warrior Valeria (Sandahl Bergman) and archer Subotai (Gerry Lopez), he faces a supernatural evil.

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3 Responses

  1. John Van Hamme says:

    A Pumping Iron reference from the jump? As always, I’m in.

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